


Shatter

by eversinceniall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Broken Promises, Childhood Friends, Emotional Infidelity, F/F, Falling In Love, First Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Genderswap, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mental Breakdown, ONE DIRECTION ARE GIRLS IN THIS, Sad Ending, Sorry Liam!!!!, cheating?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 04:32:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2799680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eversinceniall/pseuds/eversinceniall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You don't love me anymore, do you?</p><p> I've noticed the way you look at her.</p><p> I'm not stupid.</p><p> I see the way your eyes linger.</p><p> Hell, you even admitted how you feel about her.</p><p> But I can't seem to figure out where things went wrong and I keep going over it in my head.</p><p> You were mine and I was yours.</p><p> We were happy.</p><p> What happened?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shatter

**Author's Note:**

> ONE DIRECTION ARE GIRLS IN THIS. I originally posted this as a non-1D related GxG story on Quotev, but I decided to change it to Narry/1D because I thought it fit. So yeah. Enjoy :) Btw, I may or may not make a sequel, I'm still undecided.

 

 

Niall's POV

 

You don't love me anymore, do you?  
  
  
I've noticed the way you look at her.  
  
  
I'm not stupid.  
  
  
I see the way your eyes linger.  
  
  
Hell, you even admitted how you feel about her.  
  
  
But I can't seem to figure out where things went wrong and I keep going over it in my head.  
  
  
You were mine and I was yours.  
  
  
We were happy.  
  
  
Don't you remember?  
  
  
Laying on my bed, watching scary movies while you clutched onto my arm, and I cuddled you close, knowing you were afraid.  
  
  
We were in love.  
  
  
~  
  
  
Do you remember the first time we kissed?  
  
  
I failed a test which I had studied hard for and I was upset. I ran home but you followed me.  
  
  
"Wait up! Niall!" You called.  
  
  
"Leave me alone, Harry." I said.  
  
  
You caught up to to me, and wrapped your arms around my waist and tried to comfort me. I was angry at myself for failing yet another test. Another failure of many. I remember feeling so disappointed in myself.  
  
  
You were a smart girl, and you tried to tutor me, but nothing helped.  
  
  
I tried to pull away but then you grabbed my wrists and held them in your hands. We shared this moment. A look. So intense, and warm, and my heart beat faster than ever before.  
  
  
You leaned in, your hot minty breath against my face. Then you pressed your lips to mine and for a moment we just breathed into each other's mouths.  
  
  
But then you pressed yourself harder against me and I reached my hands up to play with your long curly hair, while you held my face in your gentle hands.  
  
  
And we were kissing.  
  
  
When we pulled away, you said, "I've wanted to do that for a long time."  
  
  
I didn't know what to say so I kissed you again, feeling the way you smiled against my lips. And we were both grinning stupidly, and at that time, happily.  
  
  
 I often wonder why we waited so long to become a we. A _**youandI**_ , a thing, a couple. We were best friends for over nine years and we finally got together at the age of sixteen. Maybe if we had gotten together sooner, things wouldn't have turned out this way.  
  
  
I'd be lying If I said that I didn't think you were gorgeous before. You were the most beautiful girl at school. I always knew you were special.  
  
  
No one else made me feel the way you did. The way you still do. But It wasn't until the moments leading up to our kiss that I realized I was in love with you and I still am. I realized that I was in love, and I probably always had been. I'd just been too dense to realize it sooner.  
  
  
And that's why you make me feel this way. I just hadn't realized it beforehand.  
  
  
I wanted to say it, to say the words, 'I love you'. But I didn't, because I didn't want to scare you away after one kiss.  
  
  
And I don't know If I'll ever love someone as much as I love you and that thought scares me more than anything.  
  
  
Once we started dating, you told me that you had known you had feelings for me for quite some time. But you were scared I didn't feel the same way.  
  
  
 And I remember climbing on top of you and kissing you ferociously, "You don't have to worry anymore, because I definitely feel the same way," I had said.  
  
  
You laughed happily, "I'm glad," You replied.  
  
  
Then you rolled us over so you were hovering over me and I'd thought that life couldn't be any more perfect.  
  
  
~  
  
  
Do you remember our first date as a couple?  
  
  
You were always trying to impress me and so you said that you wanted to do it properly. It ended up being 'not so great' but I didn't even care.  
  
  
You took me to our favorite restaurant. You'd told me to dress casual. So I was wearing my favorite white summer dress with a brown belt around the waist, and a pair of white heel like boots. My long blonde hair was down in a braid.  
  
  
And you wore a blue and black plaid crop top, your best pair of jeans that showed off your great legs, and black boots. But you were acting weird. Nervous and jittery.  
  
  
"Are you okay?" I had asked as we sat at the table looking over our menus.  
  
  
 "Yeah I'm fine," You said.  
  
  
We lapsed into an awkward silence and I couldn't handle it much longer so I grabbed your hand and I pulled you outside.  
  
  
"What are we doing?" You asked.  
  
  
I shrugged, "We gotta talk."  
  
  
And suddenly you were nervous again. It was like you thought I was going to tell you I didn't think we'd work out.  
  
  
"Don't worry" I tried to reassure you, "I just want to tell you, that you don't have to try and impress me. I can tell you're nervous, and you shouldn't be, because we're best friends, who also happen to like one another, but nothing is different. Nothing has changed. I'm me and you're you. And I'm happy doing anything, as long as I'm with you. I'm not going to give up on this. It's new and its scary, but I have a feeling it'll work."  
  
  
As I said the last words, you grabbed me by the waist, pulling me in close, "You're fucking amazing," You breathed, and then you kissed me.  
  
  
 I melted into it, feeling content. It was only our third kiss, and I hadn't thought I'd ever get used to the way your lips felt against mine. I never did, actually.  
  
  
"I know," I said, "but only because I have you, Harry."  
  
~  
  
Do you remember the first time we said I love you?  
  
  
I remember it as clear as day. We'd been dating for almost two months and you came over on a Saturday night to have our movie marathon.  
  
  
We were laying on my bed, halfway through the movie. You were wrapped up in my arms, as content as ever.  
  
  
"I love you, Niall." You whispered, catching me off guard.  
  
  
 "What?" I asked, unsure If I'd heard you correctly.  
  
  
"I known we've only been dating for to months," you said, rushing to explain, "and I know you might not be ready to say it back, and if so, then that's okay. But I had to tell you because it's been bothering me so much. The words have been right there on the tip of my tongue, and I just had to tell you before I exploded."  
  
  
I laughed, "I love you too, you goof. I've been wanting to say it for a while now, but I didn't want to scare you off so soon."  
  
  
You grinned happily, "I could never leave you. I love you, so much."  
  
  
 I smiled. "I'm glad."  
  
  
 I brushed your hair away from your face, and kissed you softly. "I love you, Harry." I breathed into your mouth.  
  
  
"Love you too," you said between kisses, "love you so much, so so much. Always."  
  
  
~  
  
  
Do you remember our kiss in the rain?  
  
  
The droplets raining down on us, soaking our clothes, and ruining our hair.  
  
  
We were deserted in the empty park, just me and you, and the rain.  
  
  
You kissed me hard, said, "I've always wanted a kiss in the rain."  
  
  
And I laughed, "Is it as good as you imagined it'd be?"  
  
  
"Better." You said.  
  
  
~  
  
 Do you remember everything?  
  
  
 Because I do.  
  
  
 I remember laying in your backyard on a blanket at night and looking up at the stars, our hands clasped together between us.  
  
  
"Do you think we'll be forever?" You asked.  
  
  
And I knew you were often afraid I would leave you because you're an insecure person, even though you try to act like you aren't.  I just wish you knew how much you actually meant to me. How much you still do mean to me.  
  
  
"Of course. I love you, and I'll never leave you. You're my everything. You and me, we're meant to be." I said, giving your hand a squeeze.  
  
  
"I'm gonna marry you, someday." You said, and I could tell you meant it.  
  
  
 "And I'll say yes." I said, smiling.  
  
  
 "I think you're The One. You know me better than I know myself. And when I think of the future, I can't imagine ever being with anyone else. And everytime I look at you, I think 'I'm so lucky to have a girl this amazing." You told me and there were tears in your eyes.  
  
  
I swallowed hard, "God, I love you. Everytime I look at you, I think 'how in the world did I ever get a girl so wonderful, smart, gorgeous, and talented.' I don't deserve you. I've never done anything good enough to get you. You're the best thing to ever happen to me, but i don't deserve you. But I am so grateful I do have you, because without you, I am nothing."  
  
  
"I love you, Niall," You said, choking on a sob, and your eyes were shining bright with happiness, and love, and so many other emotions.  
  
  
"I love you, too," I said, hugging you tight, "And we're gonna get married. I promise."  
  
  
At that time, I had truly believed my own words. If only they were true.  
  
~  
  
You met her in art class. She was a new student, and she was gorgeous.  
  
  
With caramel brown hair, exotic blue eyes, and a great personality, Louis was easily the prettiest girl in our school.  
  
  
Of course, no one was more beautiful than you. Not even her.  
  
  
You were assigned to be her partner for every project the whole year.  
  
  
Almost instantly, I felt it. I knew it by the way you leaned into her as she talked, and the way you looked at her, completely transfixed, when she talked, as if you were soaking up her every word.  
  
  
I knew it by the way you couldn't take your eyes off her, and the way you would break off midsentence when she walked by just to stare at her in something akin to amazement.  
  
  
I was losing you.  
  
  
When I told my best friend, Zayn, what I was thinking, even she admitted she could see it, and she gave me these pitying glances that I despised.  
  
  
A few months went by, and during that time, you and Louis got even closer. It's like you were attached at the hip. Like WE used to be.  
  
  
You acted all giggly around her, laughing at every single one of her jokes, even the lame ones. And she threaded her fingers through your long curly brown hair, like it was the most familiar thing in the world, and I _**HATED**_ her.  
  
  
I saw the way she looked at you, fondness in her eyes, and the way she tried to impress you with cool stories. But most of all, I saw the way she looked at you like you were the center of her universe.  
  
  
You were mine, and I was yours, but people who saw us couldn't even tell anymore.  
  
  
I felt you slipping through my fingers, no matter how hard I tried to hold on.  
  
  
And even though we were still together, and we still kissed, and said 'I love you', I knew you were hers now, because there was love in your eyes when you looked at her, and the meaning began to fade from the 'I love yous' you gave me, and instead creeped into the 'Good mornings' you gave her.  
  
  
~  
  
And now we're here.  
  
  
There are tears threatening to spill down my face, and I feel like I might throw up because I know what is happening.  
  
  
This is the end. I can feel it.  
  
  
This is the end of us.  
  
  
I hear you say the words. I hear the 'we're not working out' and the 'i think we should break up' but the words are muted and distant as I try to block them out.  
  
  
"I'm sorry," You tell me, and I finally look up.  
  
  
Your big green eyes are wide, and tears spill down your cheeks, and I know you're sorry, but not for the reasons you should be.  
  
  
So I say it.  
  
  
"You're not sorry."  
  
  
Your eyes widen in shock, and your pink lips part in surprise, "I'm-" You begin to speak, but I cut you off.  
  
"You're not sorry." I say, my voice hard, "You're sorry, because you are breaking my heart by leaving me, and you know it. But you're not sorry that you're leaving me."  
  
  
"I love you." You say, softly, helplessly, and you let out a soft whimper.  
  
  
I hear the meaning in your voice, the love is there, but it is not as it was before. It's not the same.  
  
  
"I know," I say, and I swallow hard.  
  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
  
I nod, "Not for what you should be."  
  
  
"What do you mean?" You ask, and you wipe your tears away with the sleeve of your jumper.  
  
  
"I know why you're leaving me," I settle for.  
  
  
"There's no reason, I just don't think we're the same-"  
  
  
"Stop!" I interrupt, "Please, don't lie to me."  
  
  
"I'm not lying-"  
  
  
"Yes! You are!" I yell finally, "You're leaving me for her! You're leaving me for Louis, and don't you even try to deny it because I see the way you look at her and-"  
  
  
I break off, a whimper escaping my mouth. I cup my hand over my mouth, and try to hold it in, but it's no use.  
  
  
Your eyes are wide as saucers, shocked and sad.  
  
  
"I'm so sorry! I never meant to- I never meant to fall in love with her."  
  
  
"Y-you're supposed to love me." I say, little whimpers escaping my mouth every so often.  
  
  
My heart is breaking. I want to scream and throw things and I want to sleep. I want to sleep for an eternity, just to escape this all consuming pain, this ache.  
  
  
"I do love you." You tell me.  
  
"It doesn't change anything. Because you love her more than you ever loved me, don't you?" I ask, though I already know the answer and I vaguely wonder why I am causing myself more pain.  
  
  
You gulp, hesitant to answer, until you finally decide to go for it, "Yes. I love her. And I love you, but I don't feel the way I used to with you."  
  
"Will you kiss me? One last time?" I plead.  
  
  
You hesitate, but nod.  
  
  
I lean forward pressing my lips against yours, and trying to memorize the feeling that I will never feel again.  
  
  
You kiss me back, eagerly. The way you used to. And I know it is not because you love me, but because this is closure. This is your closure, and this is the end.  
  
  
"I love you," I whisper into your mouth like old times, and suddenly I am breaking.  
  
  
I sob and I sob, and maybe I am screaming, maybe I am screaming, but I can't tell over the blur of tears and hurthurthurt, and I feel your arms wrap around me and I am numb.  
  
  
I bury my face into your neck, and I breathe you in, the way I will never be able to do again, and my chest aches even more with the thought, and I wish that I was dead, because without you, I have nothing to live for.  
  
  
"You were supposed to marry me," I hear myself saying, but I don't feel the words come out of my mouth, "You were supposed to love me forever. I was supposed to be The One."  
  
  
I feel your tears fall down on my shirt, and I hear you crying, soft gasps, and I tell myself that you are crying for the what we lost. I tell myself you are crying because you love me, and we are not forever and we are not getting married, and we're not soulmates, and we're not meant to be, and we are nothing.  
  
  
But I know that you are crying because I am a fool, and because you love me but not the way you should, and you know you are hurting me. I let myself pretend otherwise for just a moment.  
  
  
You are crying, and I am, too, and I kiss you, and taste your tears, and I savor the moment, before I pull away.  
  
  
"I love you Harry," I tell you, one last time.  
  
  
You don't say it back, and your green eyes flow over with more fresh tears, and you nod, and leave because we are done, and you have her now.  
  
  
I sink down against the wall, and I hear the front door slam shut, and as soon as I am certain you are gone, I scream.  
  
  
I scream, and I scream and I completely trash my room, but I don't care because you are gone, and you aren't mine.  
  
  
I scream words, "I love you! I LOVE YOU! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WITH ME! NOT HER!"  
  
  
I scream as I imagine you with her. I scream as I imagine Louis kissing you, and I scream and cry as I picture you and her exchanging 'I love yous'.  
  
  
I scream as I imagine her hands in your hair, and her kissing you the way I do, the way I'm supposed to, and I scream as I realize I have lost you, and you are no longer mine.  
  
  
I scream because I was not enough and because i couldn't keep you.  
  
  
I scream, and I don't know for how long, but my room is a mess, and my throat is aching, and my insides are turning, and I feel like I am dying.  
  
  
I collapse on my bed, and I wrap my arms around myself, feeling smaller than ever before, and I cry myself to sleep, my body trembling.  
  
  
I am shattered.  
  
  
And you are gone.  
  
~


End file.
